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115 Hardware Street, Melbourne, 9078 8119
My score: 3.5/5
“Are you ready?” asks the waiter. “Yes, ready,” says the eater. Not to eat, you understand, but to point a phone at a brunch dish that’s a social media sensation. A glass dome, filled with swirling smoke, is upturned on a plate. The waiter lifts the cloche and flicks it back and forth to ensure artful wafting, slowly revealing a pretty dish in whites, pink and black.
A base of set cauliflower puree is topped with potato puffs and stuck with shards of bacon. Dried black pudding is crumbled over the plate, an egg jiggles excitedly, and there’s a woody tinge from the smoke bath at the beginning. The dish’s hit status has nothing to do with how it engages fork, mouth or stomach but it’s actually nice to eat. Pork, scallops and cauliflower are old friends and the composition is pleasing.
Still, the meal doesn’t outgun the footage of it, and this is what brunch has come to. Hardware Street, especially on a Sunday morning, is threaded with queues of people choosing their breakfasts from the Instagram feeds of those ahead of them in line. It’s Olympic standard FOMO (fear of missing out), which is also why many tables of two have three dishes in front of them: once you’re in, get the pics; that is, get the value. Old fave Hardware Societe still has the longest queues, Hash has a must-Instagram dissolving hot chocolate – and the same owners as White Mojo, whose queue quotient isn’t far behind.
The White Mojo space is bright and clean though, strangely, the light isn’t great for photography. Service is well-drilled, friendly and understandably stretched at peak hour. Coffee is taken extremely seriously: the owners replaced the building’s pipes and water is double-filtered to showcase single origin Sumatran beans.
The #foodporn is showy: it’s either ‘superfood central’ or ‘heart attack parade’. Smoothie bowls stained by matcha (green tea powder) and laced with crunchy bits face off against glossy iced donuts. A composition of compressed watermelon with citrus and gin sorbet vies for attention with a photogenic croissant burger stuffed with crisp crab, oozy fried egg and smoky, smooth chipotle mayo. This hulking croissant is the dish a cooking algorithm would come up with if challenged to create the almost-word ‘nom’.
White Mojo has only been open a few weeks (a Balwyn branch is coming too) but they may already be getting sick of their own star dishes. Our waiter seemed truly sad that we ordered the croissant and not the new coffee-laced pulled pork burger in black squid-ink bun that he upsold ferociously. Please, order it so he has something new to ferry to your table. The black on black must make for a great photo, too.
Restaurant dining is also theatre. That’s long been so. The fact that showtime is now anytime from 7am is exhausting but I must applaud the democratisation of dining drama. Happily, clapping also helps dissipate the haze of fragrant smoke.
See their website.
More Photogenic:
Kettle Black, 50 Albert Road, South Melbourne, 9088 0721.
Not only is the food pretty, there’s substance, skill and care behind it. Also, there’s great natural light for #nofilter photos in the cleverly designed space.
Three One 2 One, 424 Bridge Road, Richmond, 9429 4409.
With its must-photograph freakshakes (oversized milkshakes) and towering burgers oozing with extras, this Richmond burger joint focuses on social feed as well as actual feed.
Host, 4 Saxon Street, Brunswick, 9023 5317.
New in the north and high on my must-visit list, Host has framed its bricked warehouse walls with lovely timbered booths. The food focus is seasonal and sustainable.
First published in The Age, 22nd May 2016.
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